Whoa there, hoss. Thank goodness for the purity of the intranets, or I would have thrown myself into traffic by now.
My dearest allies, hear me. Do not believe the Devil when he speaks. There is no reason to trust what you are hearing now. None. So before you rely on the media’s interpretation of what’s happening, ask yourself, “When was the last time the media was responsible for delivering the truth?”
I love languange, I abuse it at will. You can only truly hurt the ones you love. But the abuses on the television are actually too numerous to name at this point, so as a layman I would just like to set a few things straight on this hallowed page so that all who wander here can put on my armor, feel the power of the forcefield known as the truth.
Cynics among us are wise to depart. Cynics don’t like truth, it tears them apart. But look closely dear brethren, you know it to be true, the cynic inside you is beaten and blue. Surrender your emotions, they won’t help you here. Your logic is necessary, desirable and clear.
Abuse #1: This credit crisis has been perpetrated by Wall Street and now Main Street is being forced to pay the bill.
The credit crisis was perpetrated by the greed of both Main Street folks taking out loans beyond their means, knowingly, and the institutions that exploited them (which were most notoriously government sponsored enterprise). Here in the over-regulated world of finance, that constitutes fraud. Plain and simple really. Now we don’t expect all of you non-regulated folktards to understand that you are breaking the law. And we know in some cases you can be too blinded by your own aspirations to care that you are breaking the law. But ladies and gentleman, in the comments I implore you, what then constitutes bank fraud to you? To me, in the simplest of terms, it’s knowingly over-extending yourself. Isn’t that truly the crux of the credit crisis?
In the unprecendented panic that played out this week, I had a moment of extreme clarity with one of my clients. He said he remembered friends all jumping into the real estate investment business and how easy the money seemed to come to them. Nothing down, no skin in the game. He said it always terrified him but looking back, had he known his taxes were going to be sucked away to bail them out, he would have interjected. I think we all feel that way now, that we were complicit in the crimes. People, knowing that you played a role, that’s involvement, however tangental. We all should have done something and we all should have seen this coming.
Abuse #2: Regulation and Government Intervention is the solution.
Nope. That dog doesn’t hunt. You want to talk about regulation? Let’s do. Regulation existed at every possible turn in the works of this now known clusterfuck and each time it failed to even slow the inevitable forces of greed and self-interest, yours and mine. Government intervention? Pardon me if I vomit in your face. Fannie Mae and Fredddie Mac were government sponsored enterprises and they are at the root of the crisis. It is the implicit government guarantees that destined them to failure decades ago. Just back in March of this year, when I was travelling east, I remember the news stations were still trying to unravel the mangled accounting practices of these government sponsored enterprises. To no avail, apparently. Funny when it was truly Wall Street (Enron, WorldCom, Dot.bombs) at fault, dozens of Wall Street regulars went to jail and we all felt justice was swift. I guess since encarcerating the brutes at the root of this public ass rape would leave us without a governing body in Congress, we don’t seem as bloodthirsty this round for sacrificial lambs?
I can’t wait until Obama turns Health Care and Energy Creation into government sponsored enterprises, for they are the final frontier in American innovation and life changing invention. Yeah, what we need right now is to choke out the last fully functioning parts of our economy. For crying out loud, vote Republican or we are all fuct.
Abuse #3: We are on the brink of a Great Depression
You hear that Elizabeth? I’m coming to join you. Redd Fox couldn’t sell drama this dank. I wanted to switch parties again this week when McCain was allowed to waffle on saying the fundamentals of our economy are sound. The fundamentals are sound. Our economy is made up of many industries and a trainwreck in one should not be assumed to torpedo all. How else do you explain our growth in GDP as recently as last quarter? I doubt the oil industry’s profits will be affected much by mortgage default rates. Thank goodness. Likewise, I expect agriculture, energy, construction and other industries to increase profits under the forced efficiency of tightening lending policies. Every dollar counts when the easy money dries up.
Our guiding principles are just. But like in days of old, nothing heals a democracy’s wounds quite like a public hanging. Dispense with the justice already, you blowhards, and let’s hang one for the Gipper, shall we? Starting with those known to have had insider information that ultimately doomed the American taxpayer (Note: taxpayer, not public–the two are not the same), the cowards of Congress who created this monster and fostered it’s incomprehensible survival in a free and competitive society. So who’s going to jail this time, that’s what I really want to know?
And there are more topics I’d like to take up, but it’s a beautiful weekend day in the land of the free and the brave. We are going to go entertain a few evacuees from the coast, share some fresh baked goodies with them and celebrate the freedom that allows us every subtle comfort that Americans enjoy. Thanks to the US military, ultimately, and in no way provided by the Fed.
Prosperity now to you, deary, and don’t forget, there’s always profit to be had in the truth. Considering we are neck deep into third quarter earnings reporting season, what is normally a depressed earnings atmosphere should be flipping-out-as-if-on-crack excited about any reported corporate profit. What a strange and wonderful perspective for third quarter! Don’t you think? We shall see. Prosperity now!
I’m sorry my blog makes people sick, but in this way it kind of mirrors my life. I do that to people. I really hate the stigma of a virus, though. It’s the scarlet A of our day, I’m branded. SUPERGURL GIVES CREATURE COOTIES THAT WILL KILL YOUR WILL TO LIVE in cyberspace. Or something like that. 
Yes, I’ve heard you. And I had every intention of putting up a post for the record books. A real wow piece. I did. But it turns out, everyone thinks I’m giving them the viral clap.
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