SuperGurl

This episode is brazenly brought to you by the letters F & U.

Those who know me on the outside, know I’m not a lover of technology. Wait. I take that back. I’m slow to embrace new technology, I should say. I’m comfy cozy in my cocoon of ignorance, do not disturb! Yes. A technological shut-in. Truth hurts, but all this increased freedom through communication keeps tying me down.

I was the last hold out I knew to get a cell phone. Now, I should clarify for full disclosure: I do appreciate what functionality has been added via the cell phone. Namely all the safety features, I am a single parent. Still, should I need my phone for a true emergency, chances are I won’t have it. Or the battery will be dead. Or I can’t get a signal. That’s just the way that works.

And it’s odd, because my secondary schooling was all in communication. Maybe that’s why I resist. All the ease and the instantaneous brevity of the beast, it’s killing the art. At least it is for me. I suppose that’s why I bribed my way into the family of blown-eyes. A beautifully expressive pack of communicators, with a long lineage of enjoying the telling of a story, the expression of an idea.

Sigh. I know it gets redundant, but I truly love what all of you add to my life. Thanks for stopping by once in a while and posting much more regularly than I.

Back to the topic at hand, butchering the artform with brevity. I’ve recently had three relationships destroyed by text messaging. Dictionary.com defines con as an abuse of confidence or a trick. Which I find super ironic, because in case after case, some context surely would have improved the communication.

Examples? Surely. First there was a romantic interest. A super cute cop. However, due to our conflict in schedules (both of us have kids) he took to texting me as his main avenue of communication. They were all bad. They were all too brief and too familiar. Later gaters and sleepy tights littered through all of them. But the last one, the death knell, “No expectations, just good conversation.” What? No expectations? Sounds dull to me. Was I supposed to get excited about dating a beer advertisement?

The second was a married friend. He sent me hyper sexual threats through sms. He doesn’t have the balls to actually put a move on me in real life. But by text, he communicates almost purely in provocative cliches. He likes to tell me I’m hot and he wants to rock my world, it’s awful. It’s always uncomfortable to be around him, but I have to say, way more threatening feeling via text message. Maybe it’s seeing the jackassery in print. I’m not sure.

And the third has really got me a little dejected this weekend, my pocket pal boyfriend. He’s reduced me to text messaging. We used to talk, we used to yammer on the phone for hours. No more. Now I’m lucky if I get a text a week. I don’t get it. I’ve never been dumped by siphoned off communication before. It would feel better to get an honest “get lost” as opposed to reducing me to a “how ya doing?” every week or so. Does he think I don’t notice the change? I don’t know how to deal with it. The urgency of nothingness? I end up in text conversations, trying to take the higher road, when in fact, it doesn’t feel any better to fake like I don’t know what’s happening. Especially, in real time.

In the interest of furthering my work portraying myself as a non-psychotic, I could really use a little communal advice and support at this time. You are all so wise. Could you explain the necessity for traumatizing any human being in this way? It’s excruciating. If you have the time to type on a hand held device an entire conversation, then you have the time to call or email.

And I ran out of ideas along with sense years ago. Obviously, what I’ve been doing is not working. What would you do? Please, all ye who speak the abbreviated nonspeak of SMS, to the comments with you. I need ideas. How can we together stop this tidal wave of abusive conversation? Can you give me some ideas of some standard responses I could use the next time one of these manfolk idiots accost me in this way? Something sensible. Please help. Surely I’m not the only one suffering. Your direction is appreciated. Thanks in advance.